We are Huntr/x, Voices Strong

By now, you probably know that the Internet belongs to Huntr/x, and Huntr/x don’t miss. That's how it's done, done, done. 

If you don’t know, KPop Demon Hunters is the Netflix animated musical triumph that none of us knew we needed. The premise is as old as the concept of demons: a group of protectors must use their power to keep evil at bay and preserve humanity. The twists are contemporary AF: the magic requires fans to love the music, the lead protector is part demon, and evil rises in the form of a boy band. Okay, that last one may be more 2002, but it also might be timeless; hard to say. 

The first big song, referenced above, is so 2025 for fundraisers that it hurts:

Ugh, you came at a bad time

But you just crossed the line

You wanna get wild?

Okay, I'll show you wild

If that isn’t the literal start to all of my grant applications… 

Also, there’s a line in this song that I routinely get stuck in my head - Fitcheck for my Napalm Era - that clearly wasn’t written for children. It was written for me. And maybe you? 

But while I connect with this armoring up at the beginning, those of you who’ve seen the film understand that the true message isn’t about what we put on, but what we take off. Spoiler alert: Rumi, the lead singer of Huntr/x, hasn’t told her bandmates that she is part demon. In fact, she’s hidden it, having been told by their mentor to hide the marks and focus on curing herself by permanently closing the barrier between demons and humans. So she veers the group toward meeting her specific needs, claiming it only relates to their shared goal. Which… guilty. 

But when the Saja Boys, literal demons, begin stealing Huntr/x fans with their saccharine-loaded Soda Pop (that I totally sing to my partner to annoy him), the contortions Rumi must make become too much. The facade of perfection cracks, and in classic hero-trope mode, Rumi lies about what’s going on. Because she’s also connecting with lead Saja Boy, Jinu (the Tuxedo Mask of Gen Alpha), causing her to question her beliefs about demons and herself. Cue the total unraveling of belief systems, bands, and human existence. 

More than a happy ending, this movie has an integrated ending. Rumi must accept herself and lead from enlightened, connected values - which saves the day. Jinu helps by absorbing some big demon light (the rules of this magical world are a little unclear) after he realizes that he can still be good after doing something bad. Ah, the B-story redemption, I LOVE IT!

What I love the MOST is the music. Not just because it slaps (or whatever the kids use these days to describe good music), but because it lands. Huntr/x use music to protect the fans (all humans, rightly), and each bring their own strengths to the process. They have a series of songs that offer different approaches to winning the battle: Golden, Take Down, and What it Sounds Like. 

Golden, which is a legit hit, is the first attempt at stepping into the light. It chronicles the work done to become Huntr/x and live their purpose, because they’re done hiding and now they’re shining (like they’re born to be). It’s a lovefest of aspiration, orchestrated with great flourish, and also *so high* in the human voice register that singing along can be rough.

We're goin' up, up, up

It's our moment

You know together we're glowin'

Gonna be, gonna be golden

Oh, up, up, up

With our voices

Gonna be, gonna be golden

And yet - it is in this song that Rumi reveals she has the visible patterns of a demon. But if they can just complete their mission then… 

No more hiding, I'll be shining

Like I'm born to be

'Cause we are hunters, voices strong

And I know I believe

If Golden is a press release about being your most perfect, shiniest pop group, Take Down is what you practice in the shower after a boy pisses you off and requires some unsolicited feedback. It feels real honest when I look at a shitty email and sing to it “I don't think you're ready for the takedown.” But of all the songs, it says the least. It mostly tells someone that they are going down, and who is going to do that taking down. 

So sweet, so easy on the eyes, but hideous on the inside

Whole life spreading lies, but you can't hide, baby, nice try

I'm 'bout to switch up these vibes, I finally opened my eyes

It's time to kick you straight back into the night

But there’s a sticking point when Rumi - who we remember is secretly part demon and hanging out with Jinu and his squee demon animal entourage at night - is supposed to sing that a demon with no feelings don’t deserve to live (it’s so obvious). And honestly, I feel so sad for her hearing her best friends sing “when your patterns start to show / It makes the hatred wanna grow outta my veins,” except that she’s the one with the idea to write a mean song in the first place! Ugh, life is complex… 

Shockingly, this song is manipulated by the demons to take down Huntr/x. The core of hatred redirected toward Rumi, her demon patterns (the symbolism in this thing) not only show, but spread to uncontainable levels, revealing her truth and destroying the trust in the group. Because they knew, they KNEW something was up, and instead of being real with them, Rumi gaslit them. And we, the audience, understand why, we connect to the fear, the pressure, the conditioning that led to those choices. 

But we also know what it means to be lied to, misled, confused, manipulated. 

So now that everything has been torn down, we’re ready to rebuild. Enter the reckoned and raw Rumi, taking on the main demon thing with the stark and honest opening of  What it Sounds Like. 

Nothing but the truth now

Nothing but the proof of what I am

The worst of what I came from, patterns I'm ashamed of

Things that even I don't understand

I tried to fix it, I tried to fight it

My head was twisted, my heart divided

My lies all collided

I don't know why I didn't trust you to be on my side

Acceptance enters our bloodstream like morphine (being administered by a professional), soothing the pain a centimeter of flesh at a time, pulsing through our bodies with the promise of relief - and hope. Because really, it is probably a bajillion times easier to fight demons if you aren’t also having to put energy into hiding the fact that you are also kind of a demon. And if you’re going to go down fighting, do it with integrity. And using ALL of your abilities, not just the most palatable ones. 

I broke into a million pieces, and I can't go back

But now I'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass

The scars are part of me, darkness and harmony

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like

Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?

I should've let the jagged edges meet the light instead

Show me what's underneath, I'll find your harmony

The song we couldn't write, this is what it sounds like

So - the team gets back together in the power of the music. 

We're shattering the silence, we're rising, defiant

Shouting in the quiet, "You're not alone"

We listened to the demons, we let them get between us

But none of us are out here on our own

So we were cowards, so we were liars

So we're not heroes, we're still survivors

The dreamers, the fighters, no lying, I'm tired

But dive in the fire, and I'll be right here by your side

And when it’s time to truly win the day

My voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like

Fearless and undefined, this is what it sounds like

Truth after all this time, our voices all combined

When darkness meets the light, this is what it sounds like

The first time I watched the movie, it was during special one-on-one time with my youngest. She gleefully watched my cry through the last 20 minutes of the movie. She LOVES seeing my cry. Actually, both of my kids love to watch crying, but that’s not the point. The point is that I FELT this movie. I felt the shame of hiding what I believed made me bad or weird – and how much bravery it takes to push through the fear that people won’t love you for who you really are. Because some people won’t. And it hurts to lose them, but if they were in a relationship with a pretend version of you, either you were going to lose the connection eventually, or you were going to lose yourself. 

Fundraising sucks right now. To those of you raking in the dollars, I’m guessing it’s still tough, because there is more need than those dollars can address. It feels like the same amount of work results in fewer resources, or just not enough. We’re seeing or experiencing the real loss of services, of jobs in the sector, and of hope for making the system we’ve been in work for our missions. 

So what happens when we accept that the old way is gone? That we’ve undergone a dramatic shift in six months, on top of all the small and humongous shifts over the last five years, on top of all the ones before that… We’ve built careers by learning to navigate a shitty system, but what happens when it gets even shittier? 

Y’all know by now that I have way more questions than answers. I can share that I’m in a phase where I’m reaching out for community. I’m looking for spaces to commiserate, dream, externalize revenge fantasies, collaborate, laugh, braid hair, read paperbacks, pet dogs, drink coffee, learn stuff about stuff, and generally rebuild connections. It’s scary to think about doing all of those things while feeling this vulnerable, but that’s the point. It’s the acceptance of who I am that makes me powerful in any space, especially when I am extemporaneously singing. And it’s the acceptance that we have to do it together that makes us powerful together. 

There’s a line in the movie about the Honmoon, the magic barrier that Huntr/x maintains to keep the demons back. When the group breaks up, the Honmoon falls apart, leaving humans vulnerable to constant demon attacks. Celine, the mentor who tells Rumi to hide her patterns, implores her to fix the Honmoon to make everything right again. Rumi says “If this is the Honmoon I’m supposed to protect, I’m glad to see it destroyed.” 

So, what are we building?